I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
