It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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