Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Let's paint friendship bongs
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
