dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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