i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
