If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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