I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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