im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
