All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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