Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
