I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
