I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
party gras won. party gras always wins.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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