walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
