just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
