I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
