Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
