so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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