Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
