I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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