She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
