the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
