There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
