yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
