Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
