some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
