whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
