i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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