You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
