remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
