you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
