After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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