So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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