Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
