I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
