as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
