I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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