Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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