the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
