oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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