We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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