she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
