I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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