i need an iv and a liver transplant
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Enjoy the penises
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
