the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
