i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?