Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.