She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.