i think i have two assholes
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now