Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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