The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
