I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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