There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
