when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
