he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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