My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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