strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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