i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
