Do you still have your period?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
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Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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