i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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