You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I have tasted many bathrooms
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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