Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
