Will you blow on my dice?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
