i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
