I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
