dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
