I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Cover your peen. We're going out.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
