Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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