How'd it feel making her break her religion?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
