I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
