I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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